The following questions are designed to be used as
guidelines to identifying possible signposts of sex and love addiction. They
are not intended to provide a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative
answers to these questions provide absolute assurance that the illness is not
present. Many sex and love addicts have varying patterns which can result in
very different ways of approaching and answering these questions. Despite this
fact, we have found that short, to-the-point questions have often provided as
effective a tool for self-diagnosis as have lengthy explanations of what sex
and love addiction is. We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love
addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private. We
hope that these questions will prove helpful.
Have you ever tried to control how much sex to have or how
often you would see someone?
Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person
even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?
Do you feel that you don't want anyone to know about your
sexual or romantic activities?
Do you get "high" from sex and/or romance?
Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate
places, and/or with inappropriate people?
Do you make promises to yourself concerning your sexual or
romantic behavior that you find you cannot follow?
Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don't
(didn't) want to have sex with?
Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your
life bearable?
Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?
Do you believe that someone can "fix" you?
Do you keep a list, written or otherwise, of the number of
partners you've had?
Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from
your lover or sexual partner?
Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you've
had?
Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual
fix, or future mate?
Have you or do you have sex regardless of the consequences
(e.g.. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes,
gonorrhea, AIDS, etc.)?
Do you find that you have a pattern of repeating bad
relationships?
Do you feel that your only (or major) value in a
relationship is your ability to perform sexually, or provide an emotional fix?
Do you feel that you're not "really alive" unless
you are with your sexual / romantic partner?
Do you feel entitled to sex?
Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot
leave?
Have you ever threatened your financial stability or
standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?
Do you believe that the problems in your "love
life" result from continuing to remain with the "wrong" person?
Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or
destroyed because of outside sexual activity?
Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love
relationship or without sex?
Do you find yourself flirting or sexualizing with someone
even if you do not mean to?
Does your sexual and/or romantic behavior affect your
reputation?
Do you have sex and/or "relationships" to try to
deal with, or escape from life's problems?
Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of
the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props
you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
Do you engage in the practice of voyeurism, exhibitionism,
etc. in ways that bring discomfort and pain?
Do you find yourself needing greater and greater variety and
energy in your sexual or romantic activities just to achieve an
"acceptable" level of physical and emotional relief?
Do you need to have sex, or "fall in love" in
order to feel like a "real man" or a "real woman"?
Do you feel that your sexual and romantic behavior is about
as rewarding as hijacking a revolving door?
Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life
because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about
sex?
Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or
sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?
Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual
and romantic activities for a given period of time?
Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what
you do?
Do you feel that you lack dignity and wholeness?
Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects
your spiritual life in a negative way?
Do you feel that your life is unmanageable because of your
excessive dependency needs?
Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do
with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits?